Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Très Stinky, Jesus

Dave had a Filipino wife, probably still does, and back then her English was sometimes a bit creative, especially when stressed. She came over about 7am, we were still up, to get the car keys so she could go to church. Dave spotted her in the parking lot and went down to see her, gave her the keys, and when he got back he was chuckling to himself. Dave looks like Jesus and he talks as you might imagine Jesus did, real quiet and gentle but with swearing. Bleary eyed Jesus chuckling to yourself, what’s so funny? we asked.

She said, I think she said I smell like alcohol. She said “You stink like shit, you shit-face” – what the fuck does that mean?

Considering it was 7:04am and Jesus had a beer in his hand, we agreed that was probably it. Furthermore, we added, we believed she was also calling him an alcoholic. We thought her words translated roughly to “You smell of alcohol, you alcoholic.” or in 1930’s gangster talk it would be “Say Mac, you’re venting vapours like a regular two-bit gin-Johnny.”

I don’t know what it would sound like in today’s gangsta lingo, unless it was a Filipino gang in which case I imagine it would sound much like the original. In French, though, it would be vous êtes très stinky et je t'aime pour lui which is in fact a compliment in their land. Stupid stinky alcoholic French, no wonder the Filipinos hate them so.

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