Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Jive Mouse

My mouse refuses to work at work.

My blue-toothed mouse refuses to scurry while at my place of employment.

It works at home.

I even use a stupid foam mouse-pad. It doesn’t help.

Just makes you look conventional. The same people who use mouse pads leave their phone on the original factory ringtone. It has to be good cause a factory picked it.

The traditional foam mouse pad is a limiting device. Part of the ongoing plan. Another way the Man keeps his finger on you. What if, just what if, even though I have my speed way up high, I reach the end of the mouse pad before I reach the edge of the screen? I have two wide screens to span and only 6 ½ inches of mouse pad to operate on. If I fall off it’s right onto white acrylic and no damn mouse can operate on that except a steam powered ball mouse with its filthy sickly-grey ball all covered in desk grime and semen (if the desk was near semen).

You’re only chance is the tricky and dangerous Pull Back Like A Lemming With Second Thoughts manoeuvre. You make a motion like a kid winding up a zoom-zoom car. Up, out, back and down. Slam. Sometimes it wakes people up and then they look at you all…like that and shit.

Hey I want a mouse that looks like the Starsky and Hutch car. Then it would be ok I guess. If it came with a Huggy Bear action figure.

No comments: