Is That Your Finger?

Ahh jeez, I wish Illidge hadn’t told me that. Pot here is 4 times the price it is in Canada and only about ½ as good (a quality coefficient of -8). Half the time you can’t find anything hydroponic and have to settle for scraggly, stringy, seed-infested bush buds at a hundred a half. Sometimes you can’t even get that. Dealers have been known to coat it in hairspray to add weight. Nice.

I don’t drink anymore but I like my pot. I like that nice buzz which changes my day ever so gently from stressed-out deadline guy to home with the kids Dad. A nice puffy after dinner to relax with Mrs Joe, do a little writing or build an air-powered water rocket (preliminary tests went well with the rocket ending up across the street at only 30 pounds pressure. Need to shave some weight though). Then a bit of a snack and a good night’s rest. Without it I spend all night doing CAD drawing in my dreams…the same damn box over and over and over.

But now the government is saying it causes schizophrenia and that hydroponic pot is “full of [un-named] chemicals”. Hell, there's lots of chemicals, water is a fucking chemical. I drive past a hydroponic lettuce farm every day, it’s a growing technique not an artificial enhancement. No different to growing tomatoes in a hot-house with inflated CO2 levels…’cause that’s what tomatoes like.

What I resent is a governing body which feels the need to trick people into a point of view. I’m not fucking stupid, if your idea is a good one then lay it out. Put that fucker right out there for us to have a look at. But you haven’t got one do you? That’s just your finger in your pocket isn’t it?

What else have they done…..

1) Accused boat people of throwing their own children into the sea, in the week of an election when their platform was based on tough immigration policies. Later proven false.

2) It is illegal to do the Wave at a cricket game.

3) It is illegal to drive or ride with your elbow on the window sill.

4) You must get permission to hold a protest demonstration.

5) It is illegal to use “offensive” language which includes simply disagreeing with a police officer, or refusing to answer (ironically). In other words it is illegal to be ‘difficult’.

6) Endorses National ID Cards, which one would be required to have and carry.

7) Endorses “English” (do something from Taming of The Shrew for us) tests for new immigrants, yet insists they “speak Australian”. The irony is completely lost.

8) Advocates legislation which would allow corporations to sue anybody who called for a boycott against them.

And that’s all off the top of my head. Damn trickery it is, and I resent it! I say again with slightly more emphasis. Nope, I’m pretty sure that’s just their finger poking through that natty gaberdine at me. Trouble is, the rest of these yobbos don’t want to risk it’s not a gun and they keep re-electing the fuckers.

I’m all for the American 8-years-and-you're-out rule instead of these smug back-slapping bastards sitting around pulling each other’s puds and all the while scaring Daz and Debbie Public with stories of sinister Chemicals and Asian (Muslim) Hordes at the door, weapons of mass perplexion and the moral dangers inherent to being Un-Australian. Certainly can’t have people making up their own minds, they might decide to elect somebody else. Then again a lot of people like having somebody else do their thinking.

Stupid Music Questions #3

This week we look at the technical and historical side of popular music. My rock and roll almanac is in a box somewhere in Canada so I had to research some of this from the net. Answers were checked against at least two sources and wherever sources conflicted, I discarded the question.

1) Who is considered the inventor of the first practical (with a standard keyboard interface) electronic synthesizer for use in musical recordings? Robert Moog

2) Most famous for his pioneering work with solid body electric guitars, who was the first to make multi-track recordings (using not tape, but overlayed wax disc recordings) in 1946-47? Les Paul

3) Although finally perfected with the invention of the “45/45” or “diagonal” method of wax/vinyl cutting in 1931 by Alan Blumlein of EMI records, it wasn’t until 1958 that this type of record was released to the public, whereupon it was snapped up left and right…. STEREO

4) This type of guitarist will often re-string a standard guitar “upside down” Left Handed - Amanda

5) Often credited as first used by Jimi Hendrix, it was in fact Pete Townsend and John Entwistle of The Who who’s design requests led to the development of what has become the iconic amplifier system for rock music today, known as the…? Marshall Stack - Weasle

6) In High School SJ played:

a) Clarinet No
b) Saxophone √ Exxy
c) Timpani drums
d) Bass guitar No
e) Baritone horn

(started on clarinet, switched to tenor sax. Played all the others briefly at the begining of each year while waiting for rental sax to arrive)

7) What colour is the Beatles’ “White Album”? White - Amanda

8) In sheet music notation fortissimo means? very loudly - Exxy

9) Who was the original singer for Genesis? Peter Gabriel - Amanda

10) What is a/an REO Speedwagon? Truck made by the REO Motor Car Company 1905-1936- Weasle

Saturday Update

Just wrapping up a few administrative items this morning, then I'm off to the plumbing supply store for some 40mm PVC end caps...isn't that exciting? It will be when I get my 1 metre long water rocket working...1/3 water, 2/3 air at 110 lb/ sq inch and FOOOOOOM! Look at 'er go!

I've been most pleased with the response to the two music quizzes so far and the next will be tomorrow (Sunday) for those who missed the last one. Let's give Exxy some competition this time. Don't forget Amanda's weekly Monday Movie Quiz too, although they are usually too hard for me but that's because I can't sit still for 2 hours (to watch a movie) without falling asleep.

But SJ, I hear you cry, aren't you working this weekend? No, I made sure I did not bring any work home this week as I have given myself two days off like I hear other people get.

We finally got some rain, and now the grass wants mowed...which will entail fixing the lawn mower which ran fine until I leant it out....never do that. A man's mower is a sacred thing.

SJ

Happy Birthday SJ

Post # 346

Oh by the way it was SkookumJoe's first birthday a couple of weeks ago. Don't feel bad, I forgot too. Here's a little look at what we were doing back then...


One Good Turn
(or: Randy tries positive re-enforcement)

-first run Feb 25, 2006

Wednesday

Just a short one tonight. I've been working from home today (thus the speedy replies to today’s comments) and it's 8pm and I've had enough. If people (that’s YOU, both my bosses) would have the curtesy to return phone calls when they say they will, I’d be finished this job by now. As it is I have a 729mm high oven going into a 688mm high cabinet (for our US viewers that’s a difference of about an inch and a half)…I’m pretty sure that’s not going to work. Tomorrow is shot because of meetings, so it won’t be finished probably until Friday now. What do I care? Well soon they are going to start paying me by the job, and then time is going to be a big deal.

Check out the comments on Keep Smiling (2-3 posts ago) we have a man who says schizophrenia is caused by circumcision among other things. Is it pot? Circumcision? Mary Hart's voice? Where oh where is Dr. Sandra to give us the straight poop? Yes I know, she’s on her way back to her beloved Norm Iron…but sheesh, this is important!

And finally I want to ask the above mentioned US viewers their opinions on this Obama fella. I only just heard of him, as the supply ship was late due to storms off the cape, but I hear Australian Prime Minister John Howard doesn’t like him, so maybe he’s a good guy. But it’s always best to ask the people involved so….tell me your opinions, is he circumcised? Is Hillary for that matter?

Hoooooooogan!

You know on TV when there’s an explosion or earthquake or something, they shake the camera around so you, the home viewer, can experience it too. I tell ya when that picture starts shaking it’s like I’m right there with them. It’s sort of a fast jitter, if it was a wave it would be high frequency and low amplitude. But I notice today as I’m watching Hogan’s Heroes after work, as you do, that the camera shake in the 60’s was different.

Hogan and Carter were rescuing Newkirk while leBeau and Kinch were blowing up the ammo dump and they all met up just as the explosions started. The camera shake was not the jittery side-to-side or round and round action we are used to, it was a slower up and down motion like the rocking of a small boat. And I must say I was not at all convinced. I did not for a moment feel I was part of a cheeky, international rag-tag group of smart-ass prisoners who had just captured a beautiful Gestapo spy, rescued an annoying Cockney and blown up an ammo dump with road flares taped to an alarm clock.

You can put away the strudel, Sgt. Shultz won’t be stopping in. Because if you can’t trust the camera shake then maybe, just maybe, none of it is real.

Hey! I Dream of Jeannie is on next!

keep smiling

Lets talk about drugs. Normally I’m happy to let people prattle on but now I have to get involved. A recent survey found that 60% of Australians surveyed “now believe smoking marijuana causes schizophrenia”. Read that carefully, especially the words “now” and “causes”. As far as I know schizophrenia isn’t “caused” by anything. I’m happy to be corrected, but from what I’ve read it’s a genetic thing. Marijuana may make schizophrenia worse, but I argue so would alcohol or repeated blows to the head. I mean if you hear voices maybe you don’t need drugs, then again, that’s exactly what they are given.

But more worrying is the word “now”. Australians NOW believe this. There’s something Orwellian about it. There’s something “just keep smiling or we’ll all be in the re-education camp” about it. The piece then went on to say (presumably as a result) reported marijuana use was down, kids somewhere reported it wasn’t cool anymore blah blah all good and correct thinking. They did mention very briefly there was a rise in the use of ICE, which is right up there with heroin as a full-on soul-fucker, but they didn’t want to kill the buzz of the victory against cannabis so they didn’t go into depressing, complicated, messy details there.

Well, that’s all I wanted to say. The voices are calling me for a bong.


SJ

More Stupid Music Questions

And from nowhere Exxy swoops in to dominate the (as of yet non existent) competition with an amazing 11 correct out of ten! But we subtract 1 for the Quincy Jones name drop giving her a perfect ten out of ten. Also I couldn't figure out how to award 1.1 kangaroos.



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Alright, let's have another crack at this. Took me all week to think them up.
The prize this week is the other half of last week's kangaroo.


1) Name the only clean-shaven member of ZZ-Top


Frank Beard - Exxy

2) This band takes its name from mysterious lights reported by US pilots during WWII which they called…? Foo- Fighters Exxy

3) Guitar legends Jimmy Paige, Jeff Beck and Eric Clapton all did time in this band…? The yardbirds - Exxy

4) Who played clarinet on the Van Halen cover of “Big Bad Bill (Is Sweet William Now)” on the album Diver Down? Jan Van Halen - Exxy



5) Who played the guitar solo on Michael Jackson’s mega-hit “Thriller”? Eddie Van Halen, except it was on "Beat It" - 2 points Exxy
6) Named in the Guiness Book of Records as “the most popular song in the English language”, this tune’s copyright runs out in 2030. Happy Birthday To You - Exxy...all the rest too.

7) Paul Simon listed “make a new plan, Stan” as one of what? 50 Ways To Leave Your Lover, not including stabbing.

8) Name of the sheriff Bob Marley shot? John Brown

9) After 10 singles in the top 10, this band finally had a number one hit with “Money For Nothing” in 1985. Dire Straits

10) What is the very last line of the Rolling Stones hit “Start Me Up”? You make a dead man cum

Valuable information I learned on TV today.

Unlike insects and birds, airplane wings do not move in a figure eight motion.
-some US pop-science show on the satellite.

We’ve all seen dust coming from airplane air vents.
-UK documentary on the spread of pandemics (I’ve only been on a dozen flights or so, but I can’t say I ever noticed dust pouring from the vents. And I know plenty of people who have never flown, so what’s this “we’ve all” business?)

When a cock is in a fight, a fight to the death...it's owner has to suck the fluid from its throat.

- same documentary (although I don't see what asian avian porn has to do with the spread of the flu virus)

Where's that damn baboon?

Had a bit of rain lately and I caught these two Stinky Frenchmen peeking through my front window. You can hear them out there at night. They wait until it’s safe and then they all start up at once, making horrible sounds like “RRRRoooooak” and “Je suis une grenouille stinky”. Don’t let the cuteness fool you, they are green death with sticky pads on their feet and semi-binocular vision.

I think these two were planning to croak in unison at the harmonic frequency of brick until my house fell down. Either that or they were perverts trying to get a look at my skookum bits - both are very Frenchish things to do. Just like they eat frog legs and call it ‘civilized’, it’s fucking cannibalism! Sick cannibal perverts with a passing knowledge of physics, that’s what they are.

There’s nothing can be done except pick them up gently, take them somewhere away from the dogs, down to a quiet leafy place in the garden and bash them with a shovel.

Waxing my lyrical

*** Since I made changes to the format after posting, I think we'll call this one a practice. Exxy wins with 7 correct and an extra point for the Johnny Depp connection.

Name the Author, Artist or Song...

1) When their eloquence escapes you/
Their logic ties you up and rapes you.
Artist/Author: The Police / Sting (Exxy got)
Song: De Do Do Do, De Da Da Da (Amanda got)

2) Billy Mac is a detective down in Texas/
You know he knows just exactly what the facts is.
Artist/Author: Steve Miller (Exxy got)
Song: Take The Money And Run (Illidge)

3) He moved to Hollywood, got a tattoo/
He met a girl out there with the tattoo too.
Artist/Author: Tom Petty and Jeff Lynne (Exxy)
Song: Into The Great Wide Open (Exxy)

4) They took all the trees, put ‘em in a tree museum/
And they charged the people a dollar and a half just to see ‘em.
Artist/Author: Joni Mitchell (Exxy)
Song: Big Yellow Taxi (Amanda)

5) The band is just fantastic/
that is really what I think./
Oh by the way, which one's Pink?
Artist/Author: Pink Floyd / Waters (Exxy)
Song: Have A Cigar (Exxy)

Harder:

6) Growing up in a biosphere, no respect for bad weather/
There’s still roaches and ants in here, so resourceful and clever.
Artist/Author: The Tragically Hip / Downey
Song: Titanic Terrarium

7) I’m going home, I’m tired as hell/
I’m not the cat I used to be/
I got a kid, I’m thirty-three.
Artist/Author: The Pretenders / Hinde
Song: Middle of the Road

8) I'm interesting, the best thing since wrestling/
Infesting in your kids ears and nesting.
Artist/Author: Eminem / Mathers (Amanda)
Song: Without Me

9) The searchers all say they’d have made Whitefish bay
If they’d fifteen more miles behind her.
Artist/Author: Gordon Lightfoot
Song: The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald

10) You can choose a ready guide in some celestial voice/
If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice.
Artist/Author: RUSH / Peart (Illidge)
Song: Freewill

consorted debris field generation as an effect

TV Character: Friends help friends reach for their dreams!

SJ: You know, darlin’, that’s not true. Friends put worms in friends’ lunchboxes.

P4: I think you mean enemies.

SJ: AH-HA! That’s why all my friends don’t like me.

P4: Because they are enemies?

SJ: Exactly. And the worms.


Fun Fact #77: I have been to jail and university the same number of times.


I once let two hookers spend the night in my apartment. They shot heroin in my bathroom, ate two tins of pineapple, a bag of tomatoes and a loaf of bread but they were very nice. One of them made my lunch for work. I did not eat it, though. The other notified me she had got hooker-heroin blood on one of my towels by accident. Of course I had to burn it, but I thought it was decent of her to mention it.

Fun Fact #28: Towels should not be burned indoors.

Crabs

I been thinking ‘what if I was an Alaskan crab fisherman?’ It occupies a lot of my time, I don’t get my real work done. What if I was on the roiling deck of an ice-encrusted crab boat named Lucy II or Intrepid or Dawn Treader, freezing rain slashing my face as we labour through the black waters of the Bering Straight. Dragging the mighty steel pots up from the deep, laden with six legged sea bugs, the gates slam open and they skitter down the hold where they single-mindedly continue their programmed routines of fucking and eating each other, oblivious to their fate, trading dark water for dark water.

What if I was an Alaskan crab fisherman? I’d probably need a hat.

Dramatic Bear Rescue, for fuck sake.

This time we have a father and son camping in Ontario. A large black bear wandered into their camp during the middle of the day, which is unusual, and was only scared off after the son started banging a picnic table with a hatchet. They wisely decided to pack up and camp further down the lake.

As they are tootling down the lake in their little boat they hear cries for help and I don’t know about them but I would have been thinking “ohh, shit.” because of course the same bear had gone down to the next campsite where it savaged a married couple who apparently didn’t know about the bang-the-hatchet-on-the-table trick.

So our heroes bundle the woman who is bleeding heavily and her husband into the boat and they set off in search of help. Oh yes, they are 300km from the nearest hospital. It isn’t until they are underway that the husband collapses in the bottom of the boat and they discover he too is very badly hurt, most of his right shoulder is missing.

Lucky for the length of this story, they soon come across another boat manned by none other than a doctor and an off-duty cop. Not so lucky for the woman, who has expired by this point, but they get the husband on the bigger boat and off the cop races with the doctor providing ministrations all the way.

And that’s about it, the man spends some time in critical condition but lives, the bear is hunted down and shot. They find it has knife wounds from a previous attack. About it, except for our heroes. They never said what happened to the father and son, still out on the lake, floating on clear blue waters, sun sparkling, cool breeze from up the valley, fish plopping here and there, the mangled body of the woman beginning to stiffen in the bottom of the boat…