P4 and I have been taking the FUC-U out into the bush, looking for Baboon X1 (or X2, whichever one ex-caped, I forget) and so far we’ve had poor results. Partly because the creature doesn’t actually exist but mainly because it is also a trained sniper.
We go in prepared. We have a good stereo with an iPod connected, cup holders, and a map I made by taping together 9 sheets printed off Google Maps. But after we passed the same spot twice when we were supposed to be going in a straight-ish direction (Left on the map) it became clear we needed a compass. There’s a slight possibility we actually circumnavigated the globe in what only seemed like 20 minutes, and therefore passed the same spot again, but more than likely we took a wrong turn and a compass would have indicated this.
So we found our way out and went down to the Super Autorama Mega Barn because it’s open Sunday, and bought a shiny new car compass with “aircraft-grade compensators” which means you should be able to cancel out any interference from the car body or electrical system and get a true reading.
At first the compass seemed to be in love with the steering column, for no matter where you put it, it skewed that way. But I was able to adjust it with the aircraft grade compensators which are very sensitive and fiddly to operate but they work very well.
Conveniently my driveway points North and after spending half an hour calibrating the compass I went for a little drive and found that every road in the village also runs North, and if you turn around they run North the other way too. At first I thought there was a problem with the compass, but these are aircraft grade compensators, man. Probably got alloys and shit in them.
Then I thought how could both the map (which I remind you was internet generated) AND the $14 Super Mega compass be wrong? What are the odds? And I answered myself and the answer was not very bloody good. Not now, not in these modern times with the Y2K and the global warming and the second rise of the boy bands (it’s coming). No way.
I had been right before! The FUC-U is not only capable of circling the earth in under 2o minutes, it seems it also has so much traction that it actually causes the earth to turn with it.
I was worried this might confuse jet liners and satellites, if the earth kept rotating under them whenever I went to get the paper, but then I realized they have aircraft grade compensators too, so it should cancel out.
We go in prepared. We have a good stereo with an iPod connected, cup holders, and a map I made by taping together 9 sheets printed off Google Maps. But after we passed the same spot twice when we were supposed to be going in a straight-ish direction (Left on the map) it became clear we needed a compass. There’s a slight possibility we actually circumnavigated the globe in what only seemed like 20 minutes, and therefore passed the same spot again, but more than likely we took a wrong turn and a compass would have indicated this.
So we found our way out and went down to the Super Autorama Mega Barn because it’s open Sunday, and bought a shiny new car compass with “aircraft-grade compensators” which means you should be able to cancel out any interference from the car body or electrical system and get a true reading.
At first the compass seemed to be in love with the steering column, for no matter where you put it, it skewed that way. But I was able to adjust it with the aircraft grade compensators which are very sensitive and fiddly to operate but they work very well.
Conveniently my driveway points North and after spending half an hour calibrating the compass I went for a little drive and found that every road in the village also runs North, and if you turn around they run North the other way too. At first I thought there was a problem with the compass, but these are aircraft grade compensators, man. Probably got alloys and shit in them.
Then I thought how could both the map (which I remind you was internet generated) AND the $14 Super Mega compass be wrong? What are the odds? And I answered myself and the answer was not very bloody good. Not now, not in these modern times with the Y2K and the global warming and the second rise of the boy bands (it’s coming). No way.
I had been right before! The FUC-U is not only capable of circling the earth in under 2o minutes, it seems it also has so much traction that it actually causes the earth to turn with it.
I was worried this might confuse jet liners and satellites, if the earth kept rotating under them whenever I went to get the paper, but then I realized they have aircraft grade compensators too, so it should cancel out.
There may be some back-lash from migratory birds, but they’re just birds, they’ve had they’re time. It’s an aircraft grade world now.
2 comments:
Where can I get one and will it allow me to travel to the future?
time to go back?
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