Tuesday, May 29, 2007

G Skookum Joey


Holy crap have you seen this? A national publication which reveals the secrets of the United States Secret Service. How can they be allowed to publish this? The terrorists will know all the US counter-surveillance techniques, codes and ciphers, and which underground gay bondage bar all the G-Men hang out in (Elliot Ness wore a latex Fedora you know).

It’s all fine and good to go poncing around in your 3-pc suit, aviator sunglasses and ear-thingy but if you’re going to go blabbing to detective magazines about what freezer Hoffa’s in and how many clones of G. Gordon Liddy have been released to date [271], then you’re just defeating the purpose of being a secret service. Really they’re a not-very-secret service. Like an escort agency which offers full manual release.

According to the cover, the magazine reports all the tricks used to catch Rum Runners, White Slavists, Dope Fiends and Counterfeiters. So you can expect a rise in all those sectors, especially fiendishness. Fiends everywhere these days, now the secret's out. Well at least they’re still keeping some things secret like the true identity of their leader, the mysterious star-spangled man they call Uncle Sam. They say he’s 14 feet tall and has a fourth testicle but I don’t believe them. Nobody has more than three.

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