The New Feminist

Male desert baboons in eastern Africa have been known to attack and even kill females which stray too far, or fall under the influence of a rival male. Male lions will kill rival offspring, forcing the lioness into a breeding state against her wishes…without, even, a suitable grieving period. Some cockroaches, at least half of them male, in times of famine will resort to cannibalism - eating other males occasionally, but mostly females and juveniles as they tend to be slower. Male ring-tailed lemurs rarely, if ever, perform housework.

This outrageous behavior by males of other species has been overlooked for too long. In the past these barbarous acts have been dismissed as “nature” or “instinct” at work, evolution. This is baseless rhetoric fed to us by the patriarchal over-lords of science who deny the rights of all things, including rocks and sticks, to live a free and unfettered existence. Meanwhile every year millions of tons of stone are ground up and laid as road base, or spread around decorative water features. Most of this work is performed by men (and sometimes lesbians). They try to justify it by wearing fluorescent vests and calling themselves “construction workers”, but its really just another example of men dominating minerals…and its got to stop!

Its time we took action. All men are basically evil, or at least naughty, and should be kept together on an island where they are forced to perform the world’s ironing. Some of the more docile ones, and homosexuals, will be allowed out to get things down from high shelves, change the oil in the car, or re-format the computer after someone accidentally un-installed the firewall, downloaded 61 bits of spyware and two trojans, saved a WordPad file to the DIRECTORY and somehow installed two auto-dialers which tried to call Sweden at $11.99/min.

Well, seems to be working ok now... better get back to the island. I've got whites soaking.