The Brave New World Is Here, and there's bingo!

New Zealand, the Canada of Australasia, made the news this week with a disturbing incident of hit and run driving. A 70-something year old woman was run down twice and left for dead on the street with broken bones. Disturbing yes, but more so when we realize the driver was an 86 year old woman in one of those battery powered scooters they all get around in these days. I can picture it now, one of the new twin battery, 24 volt jobs I bet. Low centre of gravity, three speed transmission, large curb-climbing wheels, headlights, CD player, and the compulsory tooty-toot horn and orange whip-like plastic flag attached to the back. I bet they weigh 400 pounds plus driver, and being battery driven they are silent enough to get up a good run before the victim has a chance. The driver claims 'dementia', the courts don't want to touch it and boom, Nana's free to ride again. And in fact that's just what the driver in this case has said, she doesn't plan to let it get her down, she still needs to get out to the shops, life goes on, just like it did in the Blitz, dear...of course without the bombs.

This is how cyborgs happen. Soon these damn scooters will have built in oxygen generators, and heart jolters, and internet access. There'll be a race of mobile invalids, cybernetically connected into a borg-like hive mentality so having a stroke won't matter...your thinking is just processed somewhere else in the net and instructions sent back to the scooter. Heart give out? No matter, the scooter is filtering and pumping your blood. Got trouble with teenagers, always hanging around, hooked on the mp3, looking far too casual for your liking? In seconds the alert is relayed accross the neural network and hundreds of pensioners are activated to swarm in and assimilate on those kids' asses.

Actually that would be pretty cool. I'm really starting to hate sulky, wool-headed, non-ironic-joke-getting teenagers.