.jpg)
The Missus has taken P’s 3 and 4 up the coast to Port Macquarie, jewel of its immediate surroundings, to meet up with her old nursing-school pal for an oestrogen-fest weekend. I am home, working until moments ago on a Friday night with more tomorrow. I can’t find the opening.
It’s a simple fucking linen cupboard. Should take about 5 minutes. Except it’s being retro-fitted into….something. There are all sorts of instructions about shadowlines, door heights, architraves, gaps and reveals. There will be a 15mm thick tile floor put in later in case you care. This cabinet must fit the opening the builder is making for it, actually it must have exactly 5mm (3/16”) clearance. That’s great, I got all that, should still take about 5 minutes…just one thing, how big is the opening? You know, the hole – how big is it? Five millimetres clear OF WHAT?
I have spent 2 hours reverse-engineering a basic cabinet to try and figure out how big it should be. Somebody thought they’d save me a step by measuring the opening, doing the math and giving me the resulting door height instead of the actual opening. It’s like trying to work out the size of the doghouse from the dog’s collar:
It’s a simple fucking linen cupboard. Should take about 5 minutes. Except it’s being retro-fitted into….something. There are all sorts of instructions about shadowlines, door heights, architraves, gaps and reveals. There will be a 15mm thick tile floor put in later in case you care. This cabinet must fit the opening the builder is making for it, actually it must have exactly 5mm (3/16”) clearance. That’s great, I got all that, should still take about 5 minutes…just one thing, how big is the opening? You know, the hole – how big is it? Five millimetres clear OF WHAT?
I have spent 2 hours reverse-engineering a basic cabinet to try and figure out how big it should be. Somebody thought they’d save me a step by measuring the opening, doing the math and giving me the resulting door height instead of the actual opening. It’s like trying to work out the size of the doghouse from the dog’s collar:
Let’s see, dog needs 2 ft all around…ok how big is the dog? The tip of the nose would be 147mm from the buckle and the tail would be 488mm back from the nose, the neck diameter would be the twice the square root of the inside circumference of the collar, -5mm clearance, over pi. You think. Ok so now let’s work it 50 other ways until we get the same answers everywhere and then we can be reasonably sure were right. Of course you never know until somebody tries to stuff it into the doghouse. But doghouses are one thing, $15,000 polished rosewood and stained-glass display cabinets that end 12” short of where they are supposed to are something quite different. Especially when the customer was planning her grand-opening the following day.
When I was younger I spent most Friday nights trying to fill an opening. It was just as complicated and confusing, but much more fun.
5 comments:
You are like the DEXTER of cabinetry.
MY BRAIN HURTS!
What did you do on Saturday nights?
Unlike your earlier Friday night quests, you can call for assistance on the hole plugging.
these days the openings tend to stay still too.
Post a Comment