Here we come across a piece of true Americana. Little Millie Nobbs has just won Ms Dairy Maid Tri-Counties for the third year running, once again stealing the judges’ hearts with her medley of Dolly Parton standards and a fine cheese loaf she made after school and on weekends. They praised her exquisite grip in the milking portion of the event and her ability to drain a cow dry in under 4 minutes. Unfortunately she has fallen among bad company.
A couple of smooth talkers have lured her out behind the fair grounds and are plying her with flattery and a free ear examination. Rosco and Betsy is the names they go by when they’re working, and they’re filling poor Millie’s dull little head with ideas of going on to State and, dare she dream, the National Dairy Maid Councill Pageant all the way over in Harrisburg. Sure, they tell her, we’ll all go over in our big motorcar together, Harrisburg has a café, that’s French, and it sells little pastries with cream and you can have ‘em wrap it in paper if you want to walk with it a spell. They got everything over in Harrisburg.
Everything indeed. How is poor Millie to know Harrisburg harbours an underground ring of white slave traders who specialize in plump, corn-fed, milky-sweet dairy maids for the Dutch market and that Rosco and Betsy are ruthless maid catchers? How can she resist Rosco’s rugged, greasy, good looks and rolled up sleaves and Betsy’s unusual dress and quizzical expression? It’s too late for Millie. Before she knows it she’ll be whisked overseas and find herself in the window of an Amsterdam brothel with only a large prosthetic penis and a well trained cow for company. Ironically they will dress her as Dolly Parton.
Just goes to show you what a good cheese loaf and a firm grip will get you. God bless America.
A couple of smooth talkers have lured her out behind the fair grounds and are plying her with flattery and a free ear examination. Rosco and Betsy is the names they go by when they’re working, and they’re filling poor Millie’s dull little head with ideas of going on to State and, dare she dream, the National Dairy Maid Councill Pageant all the way over in Harrisburg. Sure, they tell her, we’ll all go over in our big motorcar together, Harrisburg has a café, that’s French, and it sells little pastries with cream and you can have ‘em wrap it in paper if you want to walk with it a spell. They got everything over in Harrisburg.
Everything indeed. How is poor Millie to know Harrisburg harbours an underground ring of white slave traders who specialize in plump, corn-fed, milky-sweet dairy maids for the Dutch market and that Rosco and Betsy are ruthless maid catchers? How can she resist Rosco’s rugged, greasy, good looks and rolled up sleaves and Betsy’s unusual dress and quizzical expression? It’s too late for Millie. Before she knows it she’ll be whisked overseas and find herself in the window of an Amsterdam brothel with only a large prosthetic penis and a well trained cow for company. Ironically they will dress her as Dolly Parton.
Just goes to show you what a good cheese loaf and a firm grip will get you. God bless America.
4 comments:
I tried out for white slavery. Turns out you have to be white.
Fucking racists.
I could talk to some people, how's your grip?
Gi Joe Kung fu-like.
excellent. now I'll need a short essay on what you can offer the white slavery industry. Feel free to add diagrams.
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