What's the matter, can't sleep? It's 3:20am and you're still staring at the net, bleary eyed and with nothing better to do than read this blog you found after endless clicking on the 'next blog' button. Well you're in luck! Here's a little secret for getting to sleep that I'll share with you.
First take five or six hits of good blotter acid (if you don't have any LSD, burn some plastic in a bucket, stick your head in and inhale) and place a wooden chair in the shower. Then, when you are good and peaking, take off all your clothes and sit under a scalding shower, shrieking uncontrollably and berating yourself for past mistakes until the water runs cold. Sit under the cold water for about an hour or so, mourning the bright-eyed child you once were and weeping at the ugly monster you've become (hit yourself about the head if you like). Keep this up for an hour then jammies on, 1/2 a cup of warm milk, and pop yourself into bed for a lovely and hard earned sleep.
You'll wake up, eventually, rested and ready for the day. Or perhaps the day after that. Anyway, nighty-night.
7 comments:
Where do you come up with this brilliance of yours?
in the shower. I see blue afro won your avatar comp. That's good, the boozie ones were a bit ordinary, I thought.
But oh-so-true to the subject, no?
And you shower at 3 am?
Depends on what I was doing at 2:30
Burying the bodies?
well, he's doing something with the bodies, i wouldnt' say burying, but definately something
I don't bury. I like the Farsi method of leaving them out for the crows (or kookaburas in this case).
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