My neighbour Dick spent several thousand dollars two years ago on a new driveway and courtyard. It’s a stencilled concrete job with brick inlay and several coats of shiny sealer. Nobody is allowed to park on it. Not Dick, not his wife, not their upstairs tenant, nor his girlfriend or any of their guests. No, Dick makes them park on the street…but on top of that Dick doesn’t want them parked even in front of his house. So most days I have two neighbour cars parked in front of my place and two more across the road. Not much I can do, it’s a public street.
As you may imagine Dick is very particular about his front yard, especially the border along the drive-o-rama. Bunches of flowers frolic beneath small mango trees, the lawn is shorn to half an inch in height and the edges professionally clipped. My garden receives less attention and Dick likes to let me know by scalping a bit of my lawn on the boundary line to highlight the fact my lawn is a hippy to his marine sergeant. This gives me a chuckle and sometimes I let it get really long until he can’t help himself and comes over when we’re not home and mows it.
Now, the local council comes around every six months or so and picks up green waste (branches, clippings etc) and I always miss it. So this year I started putting stuff out two weeks early and I had a nice little pile of branches and shit growing out by the curb. A week ago a bit of wind blew the pile over so it was resting against Dick’s wheel because as usual he was parked in front of my house, not his. I knew he wouldn’t like this so I left it there and suddenly, sure as shit, he stopped parking there. “There”, said the Missus and I, “we should have done that long ago.” And for a week our curb was ours again.
I came home today to find three cars jammed along the curb in front of my house and my pile of branches moved over to the fence line, away from the road. Thing is, I just can’t get angry over something like parking or branch re-location…it would just be silly, The best I can do is a low level annoyance tinged with wonder at this funny hoarse-voiced, sun burned little man. That and sprinkle some big rocks in the long grass next to his car for next time he mows my yard. The bastard.
As you may imagine Dick is very particular about his front yard, especially the border along the drive-o-rama. Bunches of flowers frolic beneath small mango trees, the lawn is shorn to half an inch in height and the edges professionally clipped. My garden receives less attention and Dick likes to let me know by scalping a bit of my lawn on the boundary line to highlight the fact my lawn is a hippy to his marine sergeant. This gives me a chuckle and sometimes I let it get really long until he can’t help himself and comes over when we’re not home and mows it.
Now, the local council comes around every six months or so and picks up green waste (branches, clippings etc) and I always miss it. So this year I started putting stuff out two weeks early and I had a nice little pile of branches and shit growing out by the curb. A week ago a bit of wind blew the pile over so it was resting against Dick’s wheel because as usual he was parked in front of my house, not his. I knew he wouldn’t like this so I left it there and suddenly, sure as shit, he stopped parking there. “There”, said the Missus and I, “we should have done that long ago.” And for a week our curb was ours again.
I came home today to find three cars jammed along the curb in front of my house and my pile of branches moved over to the fence line, away from the road. Thing is, I just can’t get angry over something like parking or branch re-location…it would just be silly, The best I can do is a low level annoyance tinged with wonder at this funny hoarse-voiced, sun burned little man. That and sprinkle some big rocks in the long grass next to his car for next time he mows my yard. The bastard.
9 comments:
and the moral of this story is "Don't Be A Dick"?
well, i'm sorry your dick is hard to deal with. usually dicks are pretty cool about bushes, but it seems like your dick likes to be where it's not wanted.
the funny thing is that with your dick, no one would even notice your block.
perhaps you should think about have a talk with your dick, straighten him out. because sooner or later your dick is going to get rubbed the wrong way. and nobody want's their dick to get sore witht them.
is his name really Dick?
actually it's Jeff. But Dick is what it should be.
Dig a moat, and then put sharks in it. That's what I'd do.
Well, you know what they say about anal people.
They smell.
I :heart: Sandra.
Jeff is definitely a Dick.
Get a whole shitload of lawn flamingos and create an obstacle course on your lawn, then videotape him trying to mow the damned thing and post for us to see.
NYD you bloody genius! I was thinking maybe a rusty car up on blocks, but flamingo obstacle course is better.
Post a Comment