Mrs Joe, who has another two weeks off work, has taken P’s 3 and 4, who are on summer holidays, on a little girl’s-holiday-by-the-sea. It was supposed to be a girls-and-daddy-holiday-by-the-sea - although I didn’t see the point, since we live about 10 minutes from the coast and I cross over the fucking sea every day going to and from work – but I had to work anyway so it’s all academic now. I suppose for Mrs Joe it’s like camping, staying in some holiday rental house. For me it’s exactly like staying home except none of my stuff is there.
Now, I have successfully lived on my own for up to 5 years at a time and I was reasonably confident I could get along on my own for a week. I can cook and I know where we keep the extra toilet rolls. But you see I’ve lived with Mrs Joe for eight years or so and it seems I now have a three year dependency imbalance. Earlier this evening I took a shower and threw on some sweat pants as it’s been a cool summer so far. Later on, about 9pm I got up to fetch my gourmet meal of bacon, beans and chips, without the beans or bacon because we were out, from the oven when I noticed I had my pants on backwards. The little back pocket was at the front now and I looked like Timmy, the kid from my old neighbourhood who’s mom sewed a pocket on the front of his pants as a compromise against his penchant for shoving his hand down his pants to tootle his doodle. Mom said not to talk to Timmy.
Cripe sakes, what if I go to work with my shirt inside-out or something? There’s nobody to tell me. What if it gets worse and I need to have my clothes laid out, my shower run for me, all my meals…hey! There might be something to this after all. In the interest of a harmonious marriage I will encourage Mrs Skookum to vacation solo every three months until I need constant waiting upon. It’s the least I can do.
Now, I have successfully lived on my own for up to 5 years at a time and I was reasonably confident I could get along on my own for a week. I can cook and I know where we keep the extra toilet rolls. But you see I’ve lived with Mrs Joe for eight years or so and it seems I now have a three year dependency imbalance. Earlier this evening I took a shower and threw on some sweat pants as it’s been a cool summer so far. Later on, about 9pm I got up to fetch my gourmet meal of bacon, beans and chips, without the beans or bacon because we were out, from the oven when I noticed I had my pants on backwards. The little back pocket was at the front now and I looked like Timmy, the kid from my old neighbourhood who’s mom sewed a pocket on the front of his pants as a compromise against his penchant for shoving his hand down his pants to tootle his doodle. Mom said not to talk to Timmy.
Cripe sakes, what if I go to work with my shirt inside-out or something? There’s nobody to tell me. What if it gets worse and I need to have my clothes laid out, my shower run for me, all my meals…hey! There might be something to this after all. In the interest of a harmonious marriage I will encourage Mrs Skookum to vacation solo every three months until I need constant waiting upon. It’s the least I can do.
Unless of course she wants to hire a nurse to do it, say about 28 with some sort of accent “Oh Mr Joe you are so funny. Tee-hee. Now is time for sponge bath ok Joe?” I suppose I could go along with that if it made her happy.
9 comments:
I reckon she'll get you a nurse who used to work in a Russia health spa - one of those 60-year-old big gruff ladies. That'd make you walk Spanish.
good. she can carry me around too.
when she is done packing you around...do you think you could send her over this way to split wood for me....-18c this morning
I'm 28. With an accent. Well, in comparison to Aussies, anyway.
Though I'm not a real nurse. Do I have to put that on my application?
You Exxy? Hired.
although my brother JutraTest swears by Russians.
Illidge should have thought of that last summer, silly billy now you'll freeze to death
Awesome. Is there a benefits package? Parking? Holiday bonuses?
yes. bonuses. that's what we'll call them.
I mean of course -medical, dental, company kangaroo, spectacles, twice yearly spine alignments and a tiny pony on a leash.
Would you be bringing the stripey britches?
For a tiny pony AND a company kangaroo, I'll bring multiple pairs!
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