Looked up just now to see a dramatic ice rescue taking place on TV. One of those rescue shows and tonight some poor Canadian girls have fallen into the not-quite-frozen-enough Saskatchewan River or, as the announcer called it, Sas-kah-chew-on river. We find one girl clinging to a branch, her legs and torso through the ice at the edge of a swift current, her strength draining and her cries growing more desperate as our hero Danny desperately tries to reach her. “Hang on, darlin’!” he yells as he works his way along the branch which is frozen into the ice on the shore, “Hold on!”
But as Danny inches nearer there is a mighty crack and our hero jumps back in time to prevent the ice breaking away all together and sweeping the frozen lass down to North Dakota or wherever the hell that river goes. Danny is not discouraged and lays flat on the ice and begins inching his way out again. His buddy grabs his feet and then a third joins in and the human chain works its way to the stricken girl.
Now Danny has her hand! But he can’t pull her over the sharp edge and calls for her to summon her strength and kick her leg up onto the ice. “Come on, you can do it!” he encourages her and she gets her foot up and Danny has that too – but no! the foot slips from his grasp and back into the black water. It looks like all is lost, “Come on!” Danny cries “just get your leg onto he ice!” But the poor girl is fading “I caaaaaan’t” she cries…
[Announcer: Danny knows time is short. He has to do what ever he can get her out now!]
“For FUCK SAKE, get your leg on the ice!”
And that did the trick. She shot right out, just about beat him back to shore.
A lot of people ask me if I’ll ever become an Australian citizen. Not if it meant I couldn’t still be Canadian - and it’s shit like that that reminds me why. Fucking classic. I also like how the announcer felt he needed to pre-apologise for the upcoming obscenity. That would be for the American audience who aren’t used to naughty words in the family hour.
But as Danny inches nearer there is a mighty crack and our hero jumps back in time to prevent the ice breaking away all together and sweeping the frozen lass down to North Dakota or wherever the hell that river goes. Danny is not discouraged and lays flat on the ice and begins inching his way out again. His buddy grabs his feet and then a third joins in and the human chain works its way to the stricken girl.
Now Danny has her hand! But he can’t pull her over the sharp edge and calls for her to summon her strength and kick her leg up onto the ice. “Come on, you can do it!” he encourages her and she gets her foot up and Danny has that too – but no! the foot slips from his grasp and back into the black water. It looks like all is lost, “Come on!” Danny cries “just get your leg onto he ice!” But the poor girl is fading “I caaaaaan’t” she cries…
[Announcer: Danny knows time is short. He has to do what ever he can get her out now!]
“For FUCK SAKE, get your leg on the ice!”
And that did the trick. She shot right out, just about beat him back to shore.
A lot of people ask me if I’ll ever become an Australian citizen. Not if it meant I couldn’t still be Canadian - and it’s shit like that that reminds me why. Fucking classic. I also like how the announcer felt he needed to pre-apologise for the upcoming obscenity. That would be for the American audience who aren’t used to naughty words in the family hour.
5 comments:
I am humbly grateful for the existence of your "home and native land" as it a) shields me in Maine from polar bear attack and b) means that UofM has a decent hockey team. Oh, and I love rappie pie and poutine, but I don't wish to offend you plains types by crowing about Nova Scotian/Quebecker cuisine.
i thought all canadians could ices skate inherently...
is there anything i can still belive iin?
how DO you pronounce Saskatchewan?
WHERE HAVE YOU GONE?
is it a leap month in aussie land?
Don't claim you're too busy working. Because it's Sunday, there's a huge game on the tv, and I'm at work. But you don't see me slacking off on my blogging duties, do you?!
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