Tuesday, June 26, 2007

cops and cars

Ahh, poor Cops. They pulled over a stolen Suburban full of non-caucasian recreational drug users, had them all out face down on the ground, found a rock of crack on the back seat and it looked like high-fives all round except for one thing. They failed to notice which of the four was driving.

Everybody can claim they didn’t know the car was stolen except the driver, who they can’t identify if nobody talks, and since the car WAS stolen it is completely plausible to claim the rock of crack was already in it. Poor Cops, the irony aggravates the buzzing in their heads.

You used to be able to tell un-marked police cars in Canada. They looked exactly like regular police cars without lights on the roof. Tricky. They don’t give you such a sporting chance over here. Cops go around here in all sorts of un-marked cars – Jeep Cherokees, turbo Subaru’s, and family wagons with big V8’s. The regular cop cars are either sporty little numbers with turbo V-8’s, spoilers and low profile mags or twin cab 4x4’s with a lock-up box on the back and snazzy metallic silver and blue two-tone paint. They have that rather fetching blue and white checkerboard stripe down the side, reminiscent of their Bobby ancestry.

You remember the car Buford T. Justice (Jackie Gleason) drove in Smokey And The Bandit? That was a shit-brown 1976 Chevy Caprice or some such thing. It was one ugly cop car. As I recall he was a member of the Georgia State Patrol. Georgia is a magical place where they manage to blend the bland, brown bleakness of Alabama with just a dash of antebellum snobbery to create a refined red-neck who can tell you what your problem is and make it sound like advice. They have very white teeth and determinedly blonde hair. They don’t drive a particular type of car.

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