North Carolina denies molesting South Carolina, trial continues.

(a Venn Diagram)

Sarcastic Dan, having a poke at old SJ over there at The Center. Says I hate America. As I recall he said something like “Why oh why does [such a beacon of hope for the world like] Skookum Joe hate America?” The answer to this question is long and drawn out and complex and involves a series of Venn diagrams so I’ll make something up instead.

America and Canada were hanging out one afternoon at the post office. America was putting up wanted posters and Canada was waiting for its unemployment cheque when the conversation turned to women. America was bragging about all the countries it was doing – “Panama? Did her way back. Dug a motha fuckin trench through Panama. Did her again in 1989 too. Lately though, I dig those Middle Eastern chicks, so mysterious and oil-rich.” Canada mumbled something about its French girlfriend Quebec, but America said everybody knew Quebec was a dyke and only hung out with Canada because nobody else would let her have her own laws or bullshit made-up language. “I swear, she’s out doing Belgium as we speak, my frozen friend”. Canada thought it was odd that America suddenly had a Brooklyn accent but had to agree. That would explain that person who calls, says nothing in Flemish and hangs up, thought Canada.

“I’m pretty good friends with Australia you know,” said Canada, “she’s a little dry in places, but she’s got a nice beach.”

“Ha. Ain’t she like your cousin or something? You igloo-living freak. Go back to Alaska.”

“She is not,” said a rather stroppy Canada, “well only by marriage. We have the same great grandmother or something. It’s not weird. Tasmania is her vagina you know.”

America stopped putting up it’s poster “What? Her what? You freaky little canuck! You’ve been viewing her map abstractly! Wait till I tell Mexico…”

“Oh yeah?” said Canada “well we’re gong to excel at a sport not particularly popular in your country but one we can still play, not like cricket or rugby or football or basketball or soccer or darts, but one like hockey. One exactly like hockey. Not grass hockey either, ice hockey and we won’t wear helmets and we’ll kick your asses every Olympics and all the girls, like Sweden and Denmark will want to chill with the beaver. So there, eh.”

Canada’s cheque was finally in and so it went off to buy beer before the liquor store closed at 4pm and left America to ponder.

“Hmmm, hockey you say. We could put teams in Florida and Texas and the Carolinas and oh! I know! We’ll get Disney to make up a new team for California, they already have two but what the hell. Sweden eh? Never had a Swiss chick before."