Do you have a rubbish/garbage tip/dump in your town? Does it have a grubby little shop where they flog off the good stuff they scavenge? I like poking around in there every few months or so, when I have a load to go to the dump. I was there on Saturday and found a hockey stick. A proper Koho brand stick that had obviously been owned by someone who played as it was professionally taped along the handle for grip. It was a bit scratched up but otherwise fine and I wondered why the owner got rid of it. The nearest ice rink is 6 hours away, that might have had something to do with it. But still, that stick had been well used and cared for and I can't imagine someone would just chuck it unless...1994: Vancouver loses the Stanley cup in overtime of game 7, sparking a riot. A despondent Pavel Bure wanders out of GM Place, un-noticed in the confusion and rubber-bulleting, and cries "Gino*, why do you forsake me Gino" and hurls his hockey stick into the sea. The stick floated away but washed up later about 50 feet away. Luckily a drunk teenager walking the beach found it and practiced slap-shooting oysters into the sea until he lost his grip and back it went into the sea. Eventually it washed up in England where it was accused of stealing a sheep and sent to Australia.
This explains how the stick got here and re-enforces the theory Pavel Bure is a sniveling little debutante, so it's probably true. Also it's a right handed stick and Pavel Bure is, in fact, right handed. It's almost eerie.
*Gino Odjeck, long time Canucks goon and Pavels biggest and bestest buddy in the whole wide world was traded to somebody or other, leaving Pavel defenseless to locker room hi-jinks like tying knots in his laces or punching him in the head when he wasn't looking.
18 comments:
the punch inthe head when you not looking is a favorite of tod burtuzzi and quite effective
The real story is that the hockey stick was actually brought to Australia by a Kane Toad.
Seeing as though native rugby players had no defense against a toad with a hockey stick they were quickly subdued.
Luckily kangaroos jump further than the average Kane Toad and thus over power the stick.
That stick was all that remains of a deadly Roo-Toad battle.
"Energizer, Oyi!"
ow! What?
I was going to make a comment about our dear Exile having too much time on his hands to come up with that amazing story, but just noticed that your time stamp pre-dates his stamp and yet, your comment came after his.
What's with the funny time-zone swapping time travel conundrum???
I don't remember time traveling recently, let's see...
Illidge: 2:00am
exile: 6:11am
me: 6:30am
Exo: 6:37am
no, that seems pretty linear to me.
I'm retarded. I thought Exile had posted at 11 am.
Apparently I can't read numbers on the left...I'm a rightist.
I once found the Stanley Cup in a rubbish pile. It was full of Tim Hortons wrappers and someone had scratched off the the '75 Flyers' names.
"flux capaciter is... fluxing..."
hey hey, keep your flux to yourself.
Ready to become a Kings fan HW? Or the Aneheim Mighty Flux...
88 miles per hour...that would solve the baboon DNA splicing problems.
Here's a new suggested plan:
1. Forget the splicer and build a time machine.
2. Travel into future, when the Baboon Army is up and running.
3. Copy the instructions for making an Army, and maybe borrow a baboon.
4. Return to 2006 and start churning 'em out.
I bet it's much easier to build a flux capacitor.
sandra- but with out plutonium (traded to Libbians for a shiny bomb casing full of used pinball machine parts) it would take a bolt of lightning to generate the 1.21 gigawatts of electricity.
what we need to do is have skookum hang a clock in his bathroom. while standing on the wet porcelin of the toilet he can slip and hit his head. when he comes to he'll have a vision, a picture in his head.
this will be the creation of his flux capacitor (it's what makes time travel possible)
exile did you trade away our plutonium again? You march right over to Libia and get it back.
I'm up to my elbows in control rods and there's no fucking plutonium!
Hang on, Exile, and I'll see if my Mr Fusion is working or not...
Chicken and the egg. You'll need a time machine just to find a Delorean that can still reach 88 mph.
As an actual hockey fan, I can't cheer for the Kings or Ducks. But it's good to see the Disney influence leaving.
skook- dont' blame me, you're the one that was all "cold fusion is gay." i know fission has "camp value" but we're losing out due to this retro tec...
sandra- that's my girl (btw, why does doc brown pour the beer in then dump the can in? i guess the product placement needed a second)
Hwood- i hear ya, the last one i saw couldn't hit 88 if you dropped it off a cliff (although, if you know your physics it would be very difficult to acheive this even with a new car)
32ft/sec/sec - doesn't take long to hit 88mph
88mph = 129 feet per second
falling body accelerates at 32 feet per second, per second.
after 4 seconds has fallen 320 feet and reached a speed of 128 ft/sec or 87.2 mph
add in wind resistance and you need a cliff about 400 feet high
you see I have nothing much to do with my days
Barbie says, "Math is hard!"
Post a Comment