If you want to run a military dictatorship you need the right look. All the really paranoid countries have military uniforms with huge flat-topped peaked hats, giant epaulettes with gold braid and medals held out, like the American flag on the moon, with a bit of wire. And you need a crazy march designed to ruin the soldiers’ knees. The goose-step is the standard but some countries like North Korea have added a slide-slide-step thing to it which makes them appear, if not more formidable, at least coordinated. It is the leader’s way of saying “My forces will attack your tanks with their bare teeth, look how I make them do the silly walk.”
Western countries on the other hand have soft hats. British and American special forces wear berets, the Aussies have their slouch hat and the Canadians brightly coloured toques with pom-poms. The Scottish would be the least paranoid, wearing bonnets and skirts into battle. Instead of the crazy knee-busting marches western forces jog along singing bawdy songs which build fellowship and cause their newly shaved genitalia to itch just the right amount to make them dangerous yet compliant.
On yet another hand, which I happen to have in a box, there are the terrorists and war-lords, the red-necks of war, who go for a more individual look. Uniforms are a mix of JC Penny camouflage stretch pants and Hawaii ’82 t-shirts. A troop carrier consists of a Mercedes bus with 110 people on the roof and a tank is a Toyota Tercel with a .50 calibre machine gun mounted in the sunroof. There is no organised marching style which is why these armies tend to fight locally, usually with each other.
Western countries on the other hand have soft hats. British and American special forces wear berets, the Aussies have their slouch hat and the Canadians brightly coloured toques with pom-poms. The Scottish would be the least paranoid, wearing bonnets and skirts into battle. Instead of the crazy knee-busting marches western forces jog along singing bawdy songs which build fellowship and cause their newly shaved genitalia to itch just the right amount to make them dangerous yet compliant.
On yet another hand, which I happen to have in a box, there are the terrorists and war-lords, the red-necks of war, who go for a more individual look. Uniforms are a mix of JC Penny camouflage stretch pants and Hawaii ’82 t-shirts. A troop carrier consists of a Mercedes bus with 110 people on the roof and a tank is a Toyota Tercel with a .50 calibre machine gun mounted in the sunroof. There is no organised marching style which is why these armies tend to fight locally, usually with each other.
1 comment:
Newly shaved genitalia?
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