Baboons Rising

Heard some spokesman for generation Y on the radio yesterday. I forget his name…would have been Montana or Dakota or New Hampshire or something, but he was spouting off about why the young ones don’t see a future in the military these days. Said it was all to do with respect. Said shit like “How can I be expected to follow the orders of a general who I don’t respect? I mean if the military expects people to follow, it has to respect them as people first.”

You’ve got your Alexander The Greats and your Ivan The Terribles…not so many Dave The Respectfuls though. “You know Sarg - Dave…can I call you Dave?...I really think you asking me to take out that machine gun nest is just a bit unfair. I mean you aren’t really looking at me as a person with needs and feelings are you Dave? You know I have a thing about machine guns, but still you pick me…why do you hate me so?”

This is why I have for so long advocated the training of genetically modified baboons. I have begun preliminary experiments which have so far been somewhat disappointing as I know almost nothing about genetics or biology. Also I have not yet been able to find a baboon supplier in this area. But I have been able to train both cats to come on command, which is not easy with cats…I simply rattle their food box as a signal telling them to come immediately. Eventually I will apply these techniques to genetically modified baboons and raise a baboon army like none seen before. Howling vicious primates with robot brains and rainbow asses to do my bidding and protect me from dickheads seeking respect just for showing up.