Dick's Got A Chainsaw!

I got this neighbor, we’ll call him Dick, as that is his name. He once accused me of stealing his dirt. He had tenants upstairs who I was friendly with and who had borrowed my wheelbarrow. One Sunday afternoon I went over and was wheeling back my empty wheelbarrow and shovel, when Dick pops his head out and says “Oi! You’re not taking any more of my dirt!”. And then he popped his head back in and slammed the door. I stood there a full ten seconds working out what had just happened.

He mows his lawn thrice weekly until its just dirt with a fuzzy green crew-cut. Often when he does his, he’ll do a strip of mine…just to point out that I don’t give a fuck about my lawn, which is true. Australian lawn grass is insidious…when it meets a barrier, long creepers sprout, searching for purchase. We had heavy rain then sun last spring and my concrete path disappeared over a weekend. Once I tried to dig a hole for a tree, and found a patio buried under the lawn. So, unlike Dick, I’m happy just to keep the grass at bay. Although the dogs are fussier, they won’t shit in the grass if its too long. They’ll often leave you a reminder at the back door when the grass is too long for their precious sensibilities.

Jesus Murphy! Dick’s got a chainsaw running out there…I gotta go.