The bottle said “Triple Conditioning”, I always always grab the conditioner when I want shampoo. I don’t use conditioner, my hair is an inch long. So I grabbed its matching bottle among the potions in the rack and poured some into my hand. It looked suspiciously like curdled semen so I checked the bottle, THIS was the conditioner, damn it. What foul shower wizardry was this? You see, both bottles are in the manufacturer’s “Triple Conditioning” system. It’s a system. When did everything from cooking pots to bikini waxing become a fucking system? “This revolutionary cooking wonder has a space age heat transfer system built in to the base” – it’s a fucking copper bottomed pot, same thing Jesus made chilli with back in 0031.System implies somebody thought this out; all the parts mesh, tests have been conducted, reports with graphs produced. Sam down in R&D lost his wife over the hours he put in developing this system. Now he’s depressed so buy this shit, it’s a fucking system I tell you!
And where do they get ‘triple’ from anyway? There’s two bottles, shampoo and conditioner. What’s in the missing bottle? Maybe at the last minute the system had to be revised. The third bottle, the one containing hydrochloric acid was pulled from production (requires costly glass containers) but by then the packaging had been made up. Maybe one of the lids counts, I don’t know.
I really don’t.
9 comments:
the 3rd bottle is acctually a small vile of Monkey Spunk
Monkey Spunk is what allows the product to creat a rich lather and repair damaged hair.
because so little Monkey Spunk is required per bottle it's far easier to simply include it in the solution as opposed to creating another bottle.
they had originally tried using Gorilla Jizz (which yeilds a higher volume) but the results were disasterous. Thus the band "Flock OF Seagulls" was formed as a biproduct.
Lavendar scent drives my 3 year old nephew crazy. It's like his own personal catnip, he bounces around like he's on sugar if he gets a whiff of it.
I wonder what effect it has on baboons. And whether you can start exporting their Monkey Spunk to the American South too.
you...want me to...FARM monkey spunk...and...then...ship it to you?
That maaaay be illegaller than massage units....
ok, I'm in.
skook- just set it up as a dairy farm. just put a stuffed monkey on the end of the vacume nozzels and they'll do all the work
For the record, my misplaced Canadian, I don't live in the American South! Where I live I can buy my own sex toys. Legally. And without shame.
I just can't buy nunchakus.
Forgive my poor geography...what states are south of California again?
exo- he has a point
damn...
Mexico.
Yes, geographically, this is the "south" side of the country. But the "American South" is everything below the Mason-Dixon,m which didn't extend into CA.
In other words, where slavery existed. If CA allowed slavery, they'd all be Greek. Because I said.
Also, I am legally allowed to purchase my sex toys on the internet or in a store in my state. Blue states understand our needs.
soooo you're saying sex toys will set you free unless you're into Greek.
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