His Ass From A Hole In The Ground

For centuries children have been falling down wells. And for centuries they have been rescued, often with the help of a Collie or other do-gooder breed of dog. And still they fall in the wells. The fact is that children who fall down wells are stupid children, and should not be extricated. Most would eventually electrocute themselves, or jump off a bridge because ‘everyone else was doing it’ anyway.

No, stupid children must be left down the well. Eventually the well will fill, and be rendered safe. (If there is still a surplus of stupid children, more wells may be dug.)